Another Exciting Week in the life of...

Mmmmm....Met two men a week apart. Fun to make out with. Learning to find my sexual self again. I'm still hot! yay! Can make a guy hard and panting on the dance floor. Not bad for a fat* chick with a bad back.

I'm still leaving Grapevine. Nothing here to hold me but Megan and Alex. All else pales in comparison. Gonna take Alex driving in my new Honda CR-V. It's silver and black, 2002, very nicely done, CD/Tape Deck, A/C, cruise control, allwheel drive, etc. It even gots a picnic table in the back! I'll get lots of cash back from my truck trade-in when the title comes in, and I'm ready to go. Meep is still getting used to the idea of being in a car, but he calms easily and just resigns himself to the ride and trusting me. Good kitty.

*fat - defined as curvaceous broad with a small waist, big boobs, healthy tight butt, and too much looseness in the lower tummy and thighs. I'm working on it, damn it! Working up to 'curvy broad'.

Ciao Darlings!

I won the New '05 Ford 150 STX Truck

Well, dear readers, I said I would, and I did. Out of ten people to win the privilege to try a key to start the truck and win it, I did it. We had to draw numbers to see what order we would go in. I opened my mind to take dictation from the ether and positioned myself to be third in line to draw a number as I was told to by the ether voicewave in my head. According to my numerology report for the year, 3 is the primary number this year for me, followed closely by 1. And the number I drew was #1. As you can imagine everyone else was quite relieved that I had the #1, because surely the first key drawn wouldn't win it, right?

Wrong. As soon as I had that in my hand, I knew I would win for sure. We stepped outside to line up to begin drawing the keys out of a Dr. Pepper box, and of course, I was first. I made my mind very clear and put my hand (and most of my arm!) into this long box (It was an empty 12-can "fridgepack" Dr. Pepper box) and breathed out for the "signal" I knew I would receive. Sure enough, a second or two later, I felt one key get very warm. I took it out and hesitated for a moment. The Dr. Pepper and Albertson's promotions guys thought I was too nervous to get into the truck to try it. But I crossed myself Catholic-style to pay homage to my upbringing, bent and touched the ground (earth) to ask the Goddess to be with me, and blew a kiss to the clouds (water) and sky (air). And then I hopped in and started it! WOW!

Thank you to the Universal consciousness for letting me know I was about to receive the message and to be alert. Thank you God. Thank you Goddess. Thank you for the wiring in my head. Thank you for the air I breathe, and all that I have and all the challenges given to me. Everyday.

So, I have a wonderful new truck, which of course, I'm going to sell and get something more environmentally responsible and cheaper to operate (gas, insurance), plus take care of Megan's car, which is in the shop for about $750 in repairs. For those who want to know the sticker on this truck was $23,495 and I'll probably get $19,000-$20,000 cash for it. This is a big rebate month or I would get more for it. But it was great fun driving around a brand new truck around last night. Alan cried when I won it and he seemed very happy that I could now have freedom of movement. That was cool, too.

I will post some pics later, and we DID take a digital camera with us, but instead of still pictures, Alan took 3 little movies with it, and quite frankly, Megan is going to have to help me put that up here. But I'll take some other pictures and post those in a day or two.

Take care,
Havoth

Thoughts On the Writing Life

I think upon the writing life often. I read so much, and on the authors I truly respect, I usually read anything they may have to say on the writing life. The life inside my head is a writer. The writing life and all the romance that phrase may imply, therefore, is fully contained inside of me. Yet I still entertain myself with the idea that all outward appearances are that I am living the writing life. I am taking this long trip to connect with myself and write the book I've been struggling with (the struggling is more with myself than the book). I know that the writing is already present within me, and it shall merely go where I go. But I honor the story and myself by bringing it into the world on my terms and on the road, like a bastard child born in a bed of a rolling truck escaping over the border. Those children often are the ones who change lives the most.

I consider everything (and I mean everything!) with the 'tale' eye in my mind. This 'tale' eye tries to see the story, first as it is, and then as it could or should be. Terry Brooks, in his book on his writing journey, Sometimes The Magic Works, states, "You will have to consider all the possible choices you can imagine in crucial situations and select the ones that seem best."

This struck me as the archetypical formula for living too. And as writers create an entire universe for their characters, they are god-like in that quality of creation and decision. Does God consider his choices and then do what seems right? According to the God of the Book (Judeo-Christian-Islamic), we are made in his image. So I often imagine that our capacity to make decisions based on what we know at the time the deciding is to be done, is much like His own. [Here, I end my moment of religion and philosophy, sorry 'bout that. It just popped up like a tree stump.]

Yes, I think planning and percolating a story idea is important. The form of an outline is completely variable, but it must be there somehow. The story must follow some form, but the form is flexible and allows for broad turns and deviations of the path described in an outline. Every element of a story can be changed, but the idea of the story must be held. Or you are telling a different story, no? For the story idea, the central theme, the core is the real story, not the appearance, the settings, the props, the actors within. Any form of Romeo and Juliet, no matter what, is about love between two people with outside factors pulling them apart. Sometimes, even the outside factor is internal to one or more of the characters in the story, such as illness, or talents, or belief structures. Even murderous and cruel jealousy is a form of love that is twisted by an outside factor of internal beliefs. What would be truly god-like, would be to be able to remove those factors, smooth it all out. But life would become bland and formless in that equation. So the author doesn't take them out, and sometimes adds more. The balance, the trick, if you will, is to not lose the idea of the story amidst the props. That is what I'm working on today. And hopefully winning that truck or getting some other vehicle so I can start my journey.

So dear reader, if you are writing your life, anew or just continuing the epic, do you find an outline helps you keep the idea of you? Post your replies if you dare.

blogs can be addicting, but you already knew that

I spent several hours yesterday cross stitching a coffee towel for a friend/client and listening to the latest Weisman/Hickman fantasy book:
Book 1 of The Bronze Canticles series, on my Rio via http://www.audible.com (if you go there and sign up, let me know cause we both get freebies for it.) I love listening to books. Let's my hands do something else constructive.

I'm also reading a hardcover book, Terry Pratchett's Going Postal, and participating in his discussion group about this Discworld novel at http://barnesandnobleuniversity.com B&N offers many online classes that are interesting and useful. And you don't have to buy course materials (is books) from them, but they offer good discounts sometimes to do so.

I spent another several hours reading someone else's blog. An old friend of mine, with whom I have kept in touch with as I should, has a blog on http://www.mindsay.com but I found it very slow and cumbersome to go read her archives since last august. I slogged thru it. But that's why it was so slow. And she writes a lot of text. But she is really good. Check out an astute and clever writer at http://sharonevolving.mindsay.com/ .

Then I spent some time online with some random guy who saw my pic on my yahoo profile or something. I just turned on the "IM Me" feature two days ago. Now this gentleman I talked to was quite nice, or at least complimentary. But some of these yo-yos are really odd. Do they really think reading MY profile, that I'm looking for a lot of kinky sex with or without lotion? I just don't get it. Please Mr. Education Secretary, make manners, introductions and dating protocols and guidelines mandatory from the 7th grade up! Apparently parents don't teach some of these younger guys manners anymore. And some are just animals. "Rut with me!", they beg. ewwwww! I'm turning it back off today. I think. It is an interesting anthropologic study if nothing else about the Internet herd of males.

K.

One more Poem...Envision This!

Envision (The Doubletake)

Envisioned—this feeling of power:
Walking down the hall, I am a zephyr
raising hairs on the nape of your cool neck.
Did I catch your eye?

I am a woman; unlike the women you found under carnal knowledge before me.

Warning: dangerous
seductress
enchantress
going by not watching you
floating by she captures you
trailing by her scent in the air
You are so vain, so hard, so weak:
She would lash you in chains of desire ...
You’d not get free of her soul-binding strength.

I am ordinary though. I am she.
I am what I believe. I am she.
I am walking by now...

A lover’s dream with an average face?
Your eyes misinformed you--intrigue remains.

Envisioned--beauty, love, power--I am she.
Yeah...that was just me!


© October 1, 1993

Funny - Another Time of Changes from l0 yrs ago

Changes/One Night

It was just one night and now I’m changed again and
I can’t stop thinking about all the
changes
I’ve been meaning to make.
It was just one night
I was beautiful for a time
It was one night

The ocean was powerful but not in control of me because
somehow
I thought it would stop me from taking charge and
running free with my heart.
I’ve been meaning to make changes but this is impossible.
I --no-- you are wanting me, haunting me
and it must stop because I’ve been waiting for the
right moment to escape from all
that my life has been.
It was just one night.

The sea was raw and so was I.
I stood shamelessly
wrapping my leg around your waist
I couldn’t stop what that chill wind made me feel
And for the next few hours, I wasn’t struggling with the real
and what’s the ideal.
I want to change everything about me
Are you the one?
Do I need you the way I think you need me?
What is need?
It was just one night.
And how do I stop what is already begun with
those who wait for me
those who want for me
to break down
to take down
the "For Sale" sign from my eyes
This is a gift but only in disguise
Because the changes haven’t come around like the tide
of the ocean--where I first saw you as a man
It was just one night.
I heard the rush of a wave that swept away everything I had been
when you found me
Out to a cold dark place in the sea.

Now I’m home-- far from the soft, clear air and you
It was just one night
The change is coming
It was just one night
It was a thought
I can’t stop it or make it different
It was just one night.

copyright , August 1994

Creation Suicide - A New Creation Myth

Creation Suicide ( A new creation myth)

Taking the blade, She pressed the point;
(Her point must be made, if not undone)
in the center of Her left hand and the slip-slice
(the halting slide of many races, some were not won)
of carbon steel drawn upwards, She split Her palm
and in lieu of blood, a red jewel falls, wet and warm.
Onto a altar cloth, hanging from Her arm
into the water, to catch Her pitiless offering.

The first was followed by others; gold, blue, and green
Reflections on the blade, Her eyes wide at what She's seen
they plunked softly into the water and onto the towel
Thick, pearlescent liquid dripped warm into Here and Now.
Each drop containing a tiny light and a glowing stone,
She ended the cut: She'd just made it home.
Disbelief, suspended in the water there, casting tiny shadows on bits of Her life and gems like tiny windows on tiny galaxies,
separate and spare.

Still falling, one by one, from the gap, yawning wide,
through the calloused meat of Her hand, lying by Her side.
Jeweled drops kept falling from the hole,
shining memories from Her soul.
Spinning slowly, each sphere turned its first
revolutions of days begun in each small universe
and then She smiled and a sacrifice of birth
Gave light and life to us all, even Here on Earth.
Still She bleeds, it just goes pouring on
from Her veins, spinning light and lives, until it's done.

She was not weakened from this birth flow
nor was She made poor, or faded of power's glow
the creation of Her will, made into our lives
spun from Her blood, from the cut of the knife.

************************************************************************

Thoughts on continuing above epic

No. 1 She falls in love with Her creation on Earth. In particular one creation, a man who becomes Homo sapiens, the builder, Nazga, StoneHenge, pyramids in Egypt and South America, Buddha, Christ. He becomes all those things with Her help and inspiration. And when She leaves and, and She must, he is Augustine and 325 B.C. and he changes all about the church and finally grows old and dies. She mourns. She leaves us but doesn't forget. We are awaiting Her return and Her priestesses are coming to power again.

Changes...A poem in the works

This is an unfinished work...

So it begins...the new ride the new time the new fucking things
coming to churn me to turn me inside out never have time to learn me
it's all over the things you knew to be true to be safe and predictable
gotta move everything around don't know what's really valuable

An Essay about Laws - Is It Utopia?

some little thing I was working on recently:

1. Dec 9, 2004
   
   Laws:
   
   There is a tendency to say that we live by the laws which we choose here in America, and I suppose this is also true for any where else in the world. If you are living in America though, there is an almost cultural understanding that “we are a nation of laws” and it is repeated often in any reference to any country outside ours as if Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin thought this idea up all by themselves for the first time.
   
   But they didn’t. And they knew it. But we are a nation of children seeing with eyes that can take no responsibility for our actions, and does not have a long attention span, and a sometimes mercifully short memory. We childishly destroy that which we do not understand or are afraid of, and dare to call ourselves “civilized”. Oh, there are those who understand this national interest and pastime of pretending we are better than the rest of the world as part of the game of life, as if it is rather amusing and clever that we get away with much in the world and profit from it too. Oh—profits—that could be another discussion, I suppose. But there are profits in our laws. Some, who would not otherwise profit, find ways to change the law, so that they might participate in the never-ending child’s play of “mine is bigger and better”.
   
   In the arrogance of men who must write local laws that include and at times, supercede, what I am simplistically calling God’s laws (and here you may choose any God’s or Goddess’s law, or indeed call upon any logic of laws that seem so obvious to hold true and generally covers the following: To not murder, to not steal, to not practice incestuous breeding, to not lie, to take care of your neighbors, resources and community.) But we have laws that allow most of these actions to occur, except incest. Everybody pretty much agrees on that one. Then we are told that we chose these laws by our living here and enjoying the fruits of those laws that protect us and give aid where needed.
   
   So given that idea, when did we choose? At birth? We are covered by and must submit to all the laws of this land before we are capable of understanding them. And I suppose, in theory, when we reach an age of legal majority, such as the age of 18 years, which is surprisingly young, if we continue to live here and abide by these laws (as best we can, for the law giveth and the law taketh away sometimes) then the choice has been made. But did you really choose or was it a matter of tradition and complacency? When you vote for a congessman or any political office, you are making a choice, but many of the greater public feel that choosing another to represent your choices is increasingly proving to be irrational or at the very least, not truly representative. While I understand the sheer mass numbers of items to be ruled on for so many cannot be continuously voted on by every individual, for we would be able to do nothing else and thus render some of need moot. However, it is the numbers of laws necessary to govern all matters of human living in this country that truly puzzles me at times. Why can’t it be simpler?
   1. NO KILLING – Not by individuals, not by the states, not by anyone.
   2. NO HURTING of people physically, except in life or death self defense. Hurting people emotionally or mentally, is to be avoided if possible, but if brought before the court of your peers, can be prosecutable. So think before you act or speak.
   3. NO STEALING – If by any action or transaction you are stealing from someone or some where, then you may not do that.
   A possible sub to #3, above, is NO Cheating. The shortcut is abhorrent unless it is a life and death matter. Keep all you dealings fair and above board.
   4. Tithe 10-15 percent to maintain public holdings and roads. A.k.a., a flat tax.
   5. Treat all individuals equally and fairly, as if they are your own selves. A.k.a., Do unto others…
   6. Allow everyone to move freely upon the planet.
   7. Freedom of expression, voting, and pretty much the Bill of Rights, as we know it.
   8. Basic Needs for ALL, including medical care.
   

Fairies, A new story idea

Fairies
a story idea dreamed between the two and 5 AM on the 27th of November 2004.
Premise: fairies in order to survive, have gotten bigger and look suspiciously just like us. I dreamed of finding a house setback off the road, under a lot of trees, dark and green and damp with a big old house . There is an old woman, with several young women living there are who are uncommon. Upon being found, and spied upon, there are raised a number of issues not the least of which if they are exposed to to the world in general they can die. I must remember that wonderful house. Try to remember it . As seen from the side , the curved driveway, the well, the little hills and dips throughout the property that has protected it so far from buyer's offers.
They needed to modernize. They need to learn how to really fit in though. Will it work out? Will they die out? Will some Gov't idiot want to dissect them?
But what will be interesting is the new fairies' rules aren't quite what we used to know.

The memorial fenceline. It's a block long. Of course, people still hang tributary items all over it. The item that caught our attention, was the watch at the top of this fence post. It was a Rolex, stopped at 9:03. brrrr....gave me chills. Thanks to Gail, my long-legged friend who climbed up on a rail from the top of the memorial to lean out and take this shot. I was just directing... 

North side of pool. All the brick damage to the building behind the tree, is still there. There are weird cardboard cutouts of people standing in the windows, but this view is too far away. 

I guess there was some disagreement about the exact time of the explosion on April 19 1995. On the west end, the building facade says "9:03", the east side facade seen below in lighter conditions (perfect reflection) says "9:01". That seemed like an amicable way to settle that question. 

A yard full of ghosts... 

Up close on those eerie-ass chairs in the yard on the south side of the pool. Note the little chair. That represents a child who died in the April 1995 explosion that killed 168. 

Now THAT'S a really cool reflection. I took this one, I'm proud to say. The water/lighting made it hard for me, as I looked thru the viewfinder on my Nikon N60 35mm, I thought for a moment I was upside down, a little vertigo. 

Long view of reflecting pool. Westward view.  

More pics from the Murrah Federal Building Memorial in OK City, Dec 04, at sunset. We just barely had time to get any pics, cause the conference didn't let us out until after 4 pm and we drove like mad women to get to downtown OKC. Just to let you know: OKC is VERY clean. Shockingly clean. The streets, everything. Cool downtown nightspots (in "Bricktown"), very hip, very chic, and we felt totally safe wandering around drunk until 2 am. Then we were sober and had to leave to go home. 

This is my friend Gail at OK Breast Site. See below for explanation. 

This is me (after long day at an education law conference) presenting to you, Oklahoma's largest sculptured breast! Actually it's a former Bank One branch that's about to be torn down. But - my!- what a refreshing image in the sun as you are driving down the street looking for a gas station! It's really huge. 

This is a good pic, but strange. Sean didn't show up for the photo shoot. So we look like a complete family but we aren't. But we looked pretty good that day and my back wasn't hurting too much.  

The man. Alan. I love him still, fool that I am. It will take me a long time to get over it. But we will always be friends. He was tickling my ribs pretty hard to get me to show my teeth!  

Alex - my youngest son and strangest challenge. Spitting image of his Dad when I met/married him. He will be in the Navy next September and wants to be a S.E.A.L. Brilliant Halo player! Senior in high school. Is an ADOLESCENT MALE! in every sense of the word. Can't wait to see how he turns out. Worships his older brother, Sean, but Sean has disappointed him a lot in the last 3 years. They will both recover from this eventually.  

See, we aren't exactly alike. But I corrected most of my flaws with her. She's funnier too! 

Megan - with the built-in pro smile! I can't seem to control my smile. But when I made her (we always tell her she was cloned directly from me) I made sure she had some features that were better than mine. Lips and a smile! 

1. Me and daughter Megan. She's now 18 yrs old. She Rocks! She's a P.I.M.P.! I'm not sure how I feel bout that. But she's my soul twin most days. I love her so much. 

Nov 03 - Meep, my friend. He is the Traveller for upcoming adventures.  

This is me also in Nov 03. I made the cloak myself and it was the coolest thing in the picture. I was short, fat and red haired. Now I'm short, less fat, and have much longer dark red hair.  

Not the best pic, but all I have at the moment. Taken Nov 2003. 

Barnes & Noble University Book Discussion

Began new course tonight on Terry Pratchett's "Going Postal". I will finish the book tonight or tomorrow. Trying to contribute. So far, so good. Most interesting part was I discovered one of my classmates was a nice woman, Heidi or Kestrel on her blog: http://kff.blogspot.com/ . Might be a good friendship beginning. Plus she may have some service I could use, webwise.

In the meantime, trip planning is going great in my head, but I need to finish getting my things organized. Must hem pants, decide what clothing/costumes to bring, still need a "Stow-Away Cat Carrier" for Meep. So he can be safe and happy. Right now, he's enjoying the beautiful evening of warm weather and nice breezes. I think I'll go for a walk here in a bit. It's 1:14 am, but this is such a wimpy-safe neighborhood. Chances are I'm the scariest person on the white-washed streets of Grapevine.

I'm pretty excited about the possibility of winning a truck next week. I won one of ten keys so far, and next Friday, I'll find out if my keys will start it up and thus, I win! But if not, that's ok because I think I found the perfect Jeep Cherokee/Laredo to make the trip in.

I am EXTREMELY happy that I will be finally getting my Christmas present at 360 Blues and Tattoos next Friday also. I had a dragon drawn for me nearly 30 years ago by a young guy, who apparently did not survive high school. I've been carrying it around with me since I was 10 yeas old. He said it was my soul. I was born in the year of the dragon, and next to cats and large birds of prey, dragons are my favorites. So I will post pics as soon as I can.

Night all. Sweet Dreams.
Peace to all, Kari - Havoth Dragonsign http://havothsthoughts.blogspot.com
Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with hot sauce!!!!

Bush Inaugural Parties

In response to Mark Cuban's weblog on http://www.blogmaverick.com/
re: his Dec 31st post on the Inauguration:

#187 Posted Jan 9, 2005, 7:09 AM ET by Kari
I completely agree that some or all of the inaugural affairs PAID FOR BY PUBLIC FUNDS should be cancelled. Not all of the $40 million is donated. A greater portion of that figure is paid out of the public coffers. And Washington DC city is responsible for contributing much, free of charge. That is very wrong. Let the big oil companies that bought the election for Mr. Bush fete Mr. Bush all they want. It's their money and reputation and they need to "spend the political capital" gained by placing him there. That's their karma. But to spend one thin dime of public monies to support this huge and hugely unneccessary show for George Bush is an affront to the American lives being lost or injured in his false war. Does anybody remember that Bush refused to walk to the Capitol last time. If he doesn't walk again, it's going to be really difficult to believe his rhetoric that we are "so much more safer now than 4 years ago." If he does walk it, I hope he trips.

Welcome To The New Blog!

I am glad to be here.