Happy Friggin New Year 2010!

I don't know what else to say...I beg for a new leaf, a new sense of direction, a new anything that brings me out of this quagmire of shut-in-ness (MySpace, Facebook etc.) and ability to close myself up so that I wasn't missed in presence exactly in real life (as opposed to Second Life). All I get is a number I will have to remind myself to type over and over on all things accountive til February.
buh-bye 2009 - you will not be missed.
I have that same horror-filled dread feeling I had in the 80's when I never knew if Reagan WAS gonna push THE BUTTON and start WWIII. Only now it's not Russians I have to be afraid of, it's my fellow citizens.
As Robin Williams said in his recent HBO special, we've not to fear Big Brother, only the Little Snitches of everyone armed with a fucking camera phone.

How long before I am in complete ruin, financially? Actually, it's now. I own nothing but a 8 year old car, thank the Goddess - it's a Honda. I need $100 worth of medicine to live and only have $100. Sounds good til you count in the utuilites, due Jan 6th of course - or food. No savings, but I have a life insurance policy. Whoot!

I am hopeful however, that the new year will bring more bidness to me if I can get over my agoraphobia of the little snitches and my own depression that I wish not to inflict upon anyone. I wish those who do live with me would get out (think Amityville Horror!)so I can avoid any further guilt of infliction of not being able to support them. I love them but I can no longer hold them up. I know it, yet I've pulled off so many miracles in the past, they think it's the norm for me. FAWK!!!

Money is not my happiness, but I could use enough to live simply on, and I'll do your books for you - please adopt me!

2010 will bring other major disasters and miracles that I would like to participate in - if I could pull my head out of my own pitiful situation. I look forward to Obama surviving another year. I hope he stops bending to Bush policies that seem to have held him up form his campaign promises of ending a 5 front war. I hope I don't have to fly anywhere, because with this "underwear bomber" - what I predicted in 2003 is going to come true: we are going to have to fly naked. With no luggage. I knew it was only a matter of time.

Love you. Because--I Havoth and you're not!